One of my side jobs is doing wedding coordinating. It’s probably my favorite job and I love every opportunity I have to help young couples come together by making their day extra special by flowing smoothly. I’m coordinating a wedding this week and as I finalized the schedule for their ceremony tonight, I began to think about the bride and groom. I thought about all the support that they have, those that are excited for them, have mentored them, counseled them and encouraged their journey. I know this couple personally and love their heart for the Lord and their excitement for marriage and their future together.
But planning this wedding also made me think of some other friends of mine. Friends who’s marriage sadly did not make it. Friends who, while encouraged by some, were more so put down by others and when their marriage struggled, found few that were willing to support it. And as I continued to think through this I realized that this is more common than we think.
I found some very upsetting information on divorcerate.org (depressing website!) that says that 80.6% divorced women and 72.8% of divorced men were married while under the age of 30. Those are some pretty high percentages. And while you may be thinking “That’s exactly why young people should not be getting married!” I ask you to reconsider. The average age of both men and women at their first marriage has risen to 26 for women and 28 for men and has been slowly climbing over the last 100 years according the U.S. Census. While this is older, we see that the average age is under 30 and we are still having problems.
Here is my proposal. Instead of condemning the younger generation for marrying at any age, why don’t we, instead, support them and encourage them throughout their marriages. I’m calling you to put the negativity behind you and to step forward to wrap your (figurative) arms around a couple and to lift them up.
You may be thinking “You don’t know this one couple I know… they should have NEVER been married! They were too young and too immature for that kind of commitment and responsibility.” I hear you, and I might even agree. If you know a couple that is pondering marriage or is even engaged and you don’t think they are ready, I urge you to reach out and to speak to them in love of your concerns. BUT, if/when they marry… encouragement is the word. Support is to be your primary goal and any questions you may have had need to be pushed to the side. We should support marriages no matter what and putting a couple down because they married young (whether a good decision or bad) needs to stop.
So how do you about doing this? I’m so glad you asked! Here are a few practical ideas that may help:
- Ask a young couple if you can mentor them. Have them over to your house at least once a month to talk life and marriage and to give them godly advice to encourage them.
- Choose at least one young couple and pray for their marriage EVERY day. Put reminders in your phone or around your house so you never miss a day!
- If the young couple has children, offer to babysit on a regular basis so they can have date nights. Even every other month would be such a blessing to couples that often struggle financially and with time to be together.
- You could also pay for the couples dinner (kids or no kids) if you are able. Send them a surprise gift card or even bring them a home-cooked meal to enjoy together.
- Tell a couple(s) you are there if they are ever in need or just want to talk. Allow them to have a place where they can come and feel safe when hard times come.
- Encourage your church to reach out to young couples. Unfortunately, I have seen many churches fall short in this area and because of that, couples and marriages suffer.
- Have good books, sermons, and counselors ready and on hand in case a couple might be in need. Be careful with this, a listening ear is better than throwing information at someone, but if they are asking for the help, it could be a great opportunity to pass on what you have.
Matt and I were and still are a young couple who married at a young age. We are very grateful for the support of those closest to us, but found others who judged us for what we knew the Lord was calling us to. It was beyond devastating and the negativity often made us wonder “When will it get bad??” Thankfully, we have had a very blessed marriage but those that put us down didn’t help with the transition into life as one. Even now we relish the support of others, especially those older than us that support us and encourage us. I can tell you from first hand experience that your words of encouragement mean more than you will ever know. I can still quote some of the encouraging people that loved on us, especially in the beginning! So choose now to support and to find a couple who’s marriage you can have an impact on!
15 Comments
This is so true, it’s sad to see others putting young couple down for marrying early. We do need to be a support system for our
} and It would have been nice to have extra support at times.
young couples. That being said, hubby and I are a young couple {still
Please come share this with us at Matrimonial Mondays!
http://aproverbs31wife.com/matrimonial-monday-2/
Thank you, Kendra! I’m glad you agree! It is important for us young couples to have that encouragement! And thanks for the heads up about Matrimonial Mondays! I did, in fact, go and share!
I’m astounded that under 30 is considered young to marry! The average age has increased a lot in the last 100 years. I agree wholeheartedly that we should mentor newly married couples. I especially see problems for people in the parenting years when the stressors of children, job, household, etc. provide external pressure on the relationship. Anything churches and individuals can do to support these couples would likely be welcome and would bolster the marriage.
There are many that see under 30 as too young, and even more who think 25 and under is too young which is also a struggle. And I absolutely agree that when children come along the support is needed more than ever! Thanks for commenting!
THANK YOU! This is so true, and so important. I’ve actually seen churches leave a young couple out on their own because they don’t think they should have gotten married. It’s as if they want to see them fail so they can say “See, we were right, you were wrong.”
Many of the really great, strong couples I know got married “too young”. I suspect if you could do a valid study you would find that young marriages have a greater number of both failures and brilliant successes. I also think that it is not too difficult to tell before hand if a couple is likely to be either or those. Do all you can to stop those who are going to have problems, encourage those who are going to have a great marriage, and look for ways to support all of those who do marry.
The other side of this is those couples who marry after 30. While divorce is less common, so to are great marriages, from what I’ve seen. The longer one is single, the more set they become, and the less one they become with their spouse.
THANK YOU, Paul! I love to see others get fired up about young couples like I do! So thankful for ministry partners like you that support those who are married of any age!
Ben and I actually had a bit that we worked into our vows where we were asked to face our witnesses (close family only) and have them vow to support us as a couple from here on out. I feel this is very important. Luckily we have each had a lot of support in our marriage and our relationship prior from both of our families.
I have been to weddings that do this and think it is awesome. I pray that those that agreed will, indeed, continue to support you! Having the support you have is a blessing! Thanks for your comment, Alex!
I’ve been to weddings where the pastor does this – actually charges the congregation and has them repeat it. I love this, and always pray it goes beyond symbolic.
I got married on my 21st birthday, and my lady? Well, let’s just say she was a few years younger than that… (it took me almost a year to figure out she was actually younger than I was led to believe originally… But we’ve forgiven that long ago!)
And here we are today ministering to marriages… and having just celebrated our 25th anniversary in August.
I am all for getting married young, as long as CHRIST reigns supreme in the marriage. Without Him, ones’ chances of making it for the long haul simply get smaller and smaller as time progresses. That’s the state of our world – a world that is unfortunately doing everything it can to remove all traces of its’ Creator.
LOVE that you got married young and are still going strong! What a great example for the younger generations! And I agree, I’m all for marrying young if God is all for it. But from the outside looking in we can only support once it happens! Thank you for your comment and your ministry!
Even tho’ we are an “old” married couple of 23+ years, we look fondly at you and Matt and the wonderful marriage you have! It is such a blessing in this day and age to see that and we praise you for your support of other marrieds!
We have always appreciated the support of you both as well as the rest of the family, Nancy! Thank you so much! And thank you for your example of marriage!
Thanks so much for linking up for Matrimonial Monday! I see that Kendra has already been here but I’m excited to have read through this. We got married young and I think some of the opposition made us work even harder at it! These are great suggestions!!
Thanks so much!