Oct 29 Don’t Get Mad, Get Glad

It’s time to wrap up our final post of this 3 part series on James 1:19, and wow, is it a doozy to end on! If you haven’t read the last two posts in this series, I recommend going back and reading about being quick to listen and slow to speak. If you need a refresher of the verse we are looking at, take a look:

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…”

Slow to become angry

This is the final and probably hardest of the “shoulds” in this verse. Growing up in a somewhat anger-filled home, I can tell you that anger not only affects you or the couple together, but also affects kids and many who surround you (friends, extended family, etc.). Anger is an incredibly powerful emotion and has the capability of ruining lives.

Now listen, we all get angry every now and then. It is not a sin to be angry, but rather what you do with that anger. Some things are worth being angry at… when people are hurting other people, when someone is struggling and nothing can be done, when there is an injustice not receiving note… but no matter what the anger is towards, we must be careful with this powerful emotion and be slow in getting to it, especially when it comes to our marriage.

If you haven’t been at least frustrated with your spouse yet my guess is that you A.) got married yesterday or B.) are not being quite truthful with yourself at the moment. Frustration and anger are definitely part of a marriage, but what does it look like in YOUR marriage? Here are a few examples for what it may look like in your home (interchange the spousal role as needed, these are just examples):

• Your husband forgot to do the dishes and people will be over in 10 minutes. Needless to say, you are not a happy camper.
• Your wife has given all her energy to the kids and when you arrive home, you are not even greeted with a “hello”.
• Your husband hides his computer screen when you come in the room. You know he’s looking at porn again and you wish you could slug him.
• Your wife has racked up the credit card again and you have no clue how you are going to pay for her debt. Why would she do this to you?

Obviously there are a million more reasons and examples for getting angry, but those are a few that come to mind when I think of a typical family. No matter what the reason, how does one go about being “SLOW to anger?”

First and foremost, this is not something you can do on your own. No matter how severe the situation, no one is capable in and of themselves of being slow to anger. This only comes from a reliance on the Holy Spirit. Thank goodness for that gift or many of us may be in deeper than we’d like. When a difficult situation arises, be sure to pray for God’s patience, peace, and help to get through it with him.

Second, take a break. Whether that means counting to ten before speaking or going for a walk around the neighborhood, choose to give yourself a moment to regain your composure. Be careful to not be gone too long and to communicate you need a minute if the situation calls for that, but do not allow the first thoughts in your mind be the first to come out. Think through your words and slowly calm yourself before frustration becomes anger and anger gets out of control.

Third, remember who you are talking to. Especially in marriage, we sometimes forget that this person that just wronged us is also the person who we love and cherish and who loves us in return. Rather than thinking “Oh, that man will never listen and do the simple things that I ask him to do!” try thinking of who he really is and what his intentions are. He loves you, he wants to do things for you, it’s been a busy day and he simply didn’t get to it in time. This is harder as the situation gets tougher, but the more you can focus on your spouse’s positive traits and how much you love them, the less angry you will tend to get.

All of these things are easier said then done, and occasionally, you may let your anger get the best of you. When this happens, remember to apologize. No matter how big or how small your anger let out, confess to your spouse that you were wrong for getting angry so quickly and ask for their forgiveness. Not only will this comfort your husband or wife, it will also humble your heart in a special way and allow you to be a little slower to that anger the next time.

VERY IMPORTANT: If you are in a situation of intense anger and abuse, please seek help immediately. If violent anger is something you struggle with, reach out and seek the help of professionals and turn yourself in if you have ever hurt someone because of it. If you are a victim of anger, seek the help of the police as well as psychological help right away. Violence is absolutely never ok and should be taken care of at the first sign of it occurring.