Oct 22 Slow it down, now.

If you missed my post from last week, you may want to go back and get caught up. We’re looking at “shoulds” in James 1:19 and how they apply to marriage. While some believe James was married, this verse makes me wonder. Read the verse again:

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…”

Does that sound like marriage to you? Even with the best relationships, following these “shoulds” can be rather difficult. We are all human and let’s face it, we mess up from time to time. But there’s hope for all of us if we continue to pursue what the Lord wants for us. Last week we looked at being “quick to listen“. Let’s take it one step deeper… “slow to speak”.

Slow to speak

I’m going to break this down for guys and gals. Because while we both struggle with this particular one, it’s generaly in different ways…

Men: Usually we think of women being the talkers, but there are times when you all can have your times too. In fact, you have probably heard something along these lines before: “I don’t want your advice! I just want you to listen!” Sound familiar? What in the world does your wife want, anyway? Well, many times when we girls go through something emotional, the best medicine is for us to talk through it. When this happens, we just need a listening ear and a comforting hug. You can go back to last week’s post if you need tips on listening. So during this time, you may need to stop yourself short from giving a solution to your girl’s problem. While she does care what you think, there are times when she just needs to talk, and during those times she will not want your input. Simply listen. She will eventually ask for your advice and take on the situation if it is really important, but the best thing you can do for her in the moment is be slow to speak. She will love you even more for it, I promise.

Women: OK, we have to be honest with ourselves here. Being slow to speak is hard. I mean, speaking is what we do best, is it not? We gab with our girlfriends, spill to our mentors, and talk our children’s ears off. And our husbands? Well, they are perfect territory for talking fun. Especially if they are not talkers themselves. We can chat away for hours with only a few words in return. What could be better? Speaking of talking reminds me of my precious grandma. If anyone likes to talk, it’s my grandma A. While my grandpa was still living they would sit in their recliners on opposite sides of the room each night as my grandma would go on and on for hours and my sweet grandpa would sit there, “taking it all in” with random “mmhmms…” and head nods. The funny thing is, my grandpa’s hearing was very impaired and the guy probably didn’t hear most of what my grandma said, thus why I believe their marriage was so good and lasted so long. My point, ladies, is that we need to slow it down on the speaking front. Listen to what our husbands have to say. See what is going on in their lives. We need to give them a break from listening and allow them to speak. You never know what they might have to tell you.

I realize that I am generalizing here. Maybe your marriage is switched and the husband loves talking while the wife loves giving the advice and fixing the situation. My guess is that you already know this weakness in yourself and so no matter what side you are on, I encourage you with this: “Be slow to speak“. Your spouse will thank you for it.